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Diwa ng Diwata

Monday, March 28, 2005
Congratulations Graduates!
As a writer,
its expected of us to be good with words.
However, whenever overwhelming moments arise,
Just like any human being,
a writer is lost for words.

It took me seven years in college
before I earned my degree.
Yesterday was my graduation day,
it was overwhelming.
I was lost for words.
A writer was then a graduate.
No amount of letters can actually
contain my feelings.

My campus tours worked on me.
Although I did not make it to the
first institution Ive enrolled in,
Or even if I did not finish
the short courses I took
in various universities,

Trinity remains distinctive among
all the schools I went.

Trinity College is where I graduated
and where I earned my degree.
Nothing extra-ordinary really with this school
Yet the fact remains that I spent
almost five years of my life here.
Inevitably, it beckoned for overflowing memories
as I journeyed.

Five years is no joke bearing
with the kind of education it can offer,
Perhaps, part of what I learned is due
to what they call quality education.
But what really is quality education
in the Trinity way?
A diverse set of answers would
surely emerge from my fellow graduates.

Quality Education in Trinity way means
Dealing with a production
without enough equipment
Despite the reality that
we were bound to pay costly fees.
Or quality education can
maybe define otherwise?

Some years in Trinity
were hell and some were heaven.
It was hell when I had to experience
the cruelty of the weak Trinitians.
Hell meant that I had to deal
with a certain masquerade
where dark secrets live.
Of course, they were matters
on politics, academics and even economics.

The heavenly times were I was
with the comfort of ideal friendship.
Heaven meant being able
to truly express how I felt and what I thought.
There were angels along the way,
who cared to listen and kept me company.
It was also a time when forgiveness was there
and so with revenge, my redemption.

Let things be vague,
people know people,
you know who or what things are.
Between lines can say a lot
most especially when you are a part of it.
All is forgiven but true,
not forgotten.
I will remember everyones face,
every memory.

I shall fly without taking off from the ground,
love at the purest and serve fullest.

Congratulations Graduates!

Thursday, March 17, 2005
What Becomes Us
People don’t swallow bullshit wholesales like they used to.
People don’t break into song.
People don’t strike things from the record.
Who chews Juicy Fruit?
Who swabs the decks of poop?

Who still believes that every great love
is in some measure a terrible mistake?
Who still carries within their bodily frames
the indelible stamp of their lowly origins?
Do women bear stones now instead of children?
Do people still see the significance of moonlight
through a frosted skylight airshaft window?
No one sees the moon then becomes the moon.
And so the moon, sadly becomes no one.
Where are the moral hedonists?
Where is the noble purpose?
The patient energy required for completion?
The resolution undaunted by opposition?
Is the experience of puberty still an insult
to any intelligent, sensitive person?
Is nothing still ultimate simplicity?
Is anyone becoming a hero or heroine of their own imaginations?
Is laughter still the best medicine?
Are stern angels now required to hear our pleas?

That’s because no one ever feels shitty,
oh so shitty,
neither shitty
not gritty
nor gray.
The Masks We Wear
Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the mask I wear.
For I wear a thousand masks,
masks that I am afraid to take off
and none of them are really for me.

Pretending is an art that is second nature with me.
I give the impression that I am secure,
that everything is fine with me,
that confidence is my name and coolness is my game.
And that I need no one.
But don’t be fooled by me.

My surface may seem smooth,
but my surface is my mask.
Beneath the mask is the real me –
confused, frightened and alone.
But I hide this.
I don’t want anyone to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness
and fear being exposed.
That’s why I create a mask to hide behind -
a nonchalant, sophisticated facade to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

I know that such a glance is my salvation.
I know that if it is followed by acceptance,
if it’s allowed by love,
it’s the only thing that will assure me of
what I can’t assure myself –
that I am worth something,
that I am lovable.

But I can’t tell you this,
I don’t dare.
I’m afraid to.
I am afraid that your place glance will not
be followed by acceptance will not be followed
by acceptance and love.

I’m afraid that you will think lees of me,
that you’ll laugh at me
and your laughter would kill me.
I’m afraid that deep down
I’m nothing,
that I’m no good and that you will see this
and reject me.

So I play my desperate game
with a mask of assurance on the outside
and a trembling child on the inside.
And my whole life becomes a mask.

I chatter away with surface talk,
I tell you everything that is really nothing
and nothing of what is everything.
But when I go through my routine,
don’t be fooled by what I am saying.

Please listen carefully
and try to hear what I’m not saying,
what I’d like to be able to say,
what I need to say but can’t.

I don’t like hiding behind a mask.
I don’t like the superficial game I’m playing.
I would really like to be genuine
and spontaneous and really me.

But you’ve got to help me.
You’ve got to hold out your hand
even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can make me throw away the mask.
Only you can call me into life again,
each time that you are kind
and gentle and encouraging each time you try
to understand because you really care.

With your sensitivity and sympathy
and your power of understanding,
you can make me throw away the mask.
You can make me live again.

I want you to know that,
I want you to know how important
you are to me,
how you can be the creator of the real person
that is me if you want to.

Please want to!
You can break down
You can break down the wall behind
which I tremble,
you can make me throw away the mask.

You can be free from my world
on uncertainty and insecurity.
Please don’t pass me by!

It will not be easy for you,
Long years of insecurity
and feeling worthless build strong walls.
The closer you come to me
the more I fight back against you.

I fight against the very thing I need.
But I know that love and acceptance are stronger
than the highest walls – and that is my hope.

Please try to break down those walls
with gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive.
Please take my mask away and accept me and love me.
I need to be accepted and loved.
I am someone you know very well.
I am every man and woman you meet.

Please take away my mask in love.
Beyond a Certain Point
Beyond a certain point
numbers numb, mean little
or nothing.

What is a trillion light years
or a billion grains of sand?
What is ten thousand revolutions
per second, or a hundred
thousand eggs in one minute?

I know that ten kilometers is a
long way to walk, and two bowls of
rice is too much, at my age.

I know that minutes never pause
at sixty, without becoming an hour;

and that we spend our lives
in days, though we prefer to remember them as moments.

And if I had a second left,
or a million too few,
I know I would live it
in one instant, if only with you.

- love gathers all
Pictures of you and me
pictures taken
pictures given

Moments of you and me
moments spent
moments meant

Memories of you and me
memories be cherished
memories not be perished

Treasures of you and me
treasures today
treasures tomorrow

Friendship of you and me
friendship growing
friendship lasting

Love of you and me
love stronger
love deeper

Just you and me
just you
just me

I have a choice
It is my choice
Attitude is everything
I have to choices today
I can choose to be in a good mood or in a bad mood.

I choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens
I can choose to be a victim
Or I can choose to learn from it
I choose to learn from it.
Everytime someone comes to me complaining
I can choose to accept side of life.

Life is all about choices.

When I cut away all the junk
Every situation is a choice
I choose how to react to situations
How people will affect my mood.

I can choose to be in a bad or good mood.

I made my choice, its a choice, a choice.
Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others
It is because we are different, that each of us is special.

Do not set your goals by what other people deem as important
Only you know what is best for you.

Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart
Cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless

Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future
By living your life one day at a time you lived all the days of your life.

Do not give up when you still have something to give
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying

Do not be afraid to admit that you are less perfect
It is this fragile thread that binds is to each other.

Do not be afraid to encounter risk.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Do not shut out love of your life by saying it is impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly
And the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Do not dismiss your dreams
To be without dreams is to be without hope
To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Do not run your life too fast, that you forget not only where you have been
But also where you are going

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
I am a sinner.
A slave of imperfections
The daughter of sins
Unworthy is who I am.

Unworthy of God's graces,
Life and

Who isn't?
We are all sinners
We all have our imperfections
No one is exempted at all

Yet we are all God's Children
Therefore, we are forgiven.

Sinners are forgiven.
No one is unworthy of His Love
God is unconditional.
He makes us worthy of His Love!

When in the midst of all your fears and insanity
you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere,
the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum,
your sobs begin to subside,
you shudder once or twice,
you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes,
you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
But when do you say enough is enough? The answer is never!

This is your awakening...

ou realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting
for something to change, or for happiness,
safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.
You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming
and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world,
there aren't always fairy tale endings
(or beginnings for that matter)
and that any guarantee of "happily ever after"
must begin with you and in the process,
a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect
and that not everyone will always love,
appreciate or approve of who or what you are . . .
and that's OK.
(They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
Each of us pass through the same stage anyway.)

And you learn the importance of loving
and championing yourself and in the process,
a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people
for the things they did to you
(or didn't do for you)
and you learn that the only thing
you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say
what they mean or mean what they say
and that not everyone will always be there for you
and that it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and
to take care of yourself and in the process,
a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers
and you begin to accept people as they are
and to overlook their shortcomings
and human frailties and in the process,
a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself
and the world around you,
is a result of all the messages and opinions
that have been embedded into your psyche.

You begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about
how you should behave,
how you should look or
how you should sound and
how much you should weigh,

what you should wear
and where you should shop
and what you should drive,
how and where you should live
and what you should do for a living,
who you should marry and
what you should expect of a marriage
or of any relationship,
the importance of having
and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds
and different points of view.
You begin reassessing and redefining who you are
and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting
and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines
and values you've outgrown,
or should never have bought into to begin with
and in the process,
you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive
and that there is power and glory in creating
and contributing and you stop maneuvering
through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty
and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era,
but the mortar that holds together the foundation
upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything;
it's not your job to save the world
and that you can't teach a pig to sing.
You learn to distinguish between guilt
and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries
and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear
is the one you choose to carry
and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love.
Romantic love and familial love.
How to love,
how much to give in love,
when to stop giving and when to walk away.
You learn not to project your needs
or your feelings onto a relationship.

You learn that you will not be more beautiful,
more intelligent,
more lovable or important because of the man
on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are
and not as you would have them be.
You stop trying to control people,
situations and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change,
so it is with love;
and you learn that you don't have the right
to demand love on your terms,
just to make you happy.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You look in the mirror and come to terms
with the fact that you will never be a size 5
or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete
with the image inside your head
and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside,
smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that feelings of entitlement
are perfectly OK and that it is your right,
to want things and to ask for the things
that you want and that
sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization
that you deserve to be treated with love,
kindness, sensitivity
and respect and you won't settle for less.

You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you,
to glorify you with his touch and in the process,
you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple.
And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect.
You begin eating a balanced diet,
drinking more water and taking more time to exercise.
You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit
and can create doubt and fear.

So you take more time to rest.
Just as food fuels the body,
laughter fuels our soul;
so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part in life,
you get what you believe you deserve
and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything
worth achieving is worth working
for and that wishing for something to happen,
is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly,
you learn that in order to achieve success
you need direction,
discipline and perseverance.
You also learn that no one can do it all alone
and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

Fear is nothing but fear.
You learn that the only thing
you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time;
FEAR itself.

You learn to step right into
and through your fears,
because you know that whatever happens
you can handle it and to give in to fear,
is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life
and not to squander it living
under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair,
you don't always get what you think
you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen
to unsuspecting, good people.

On these occasions,
you learn not to personalize things.
You learn that God isn't punishing you
or failing to answer your prayers;
it's just life happening.

You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state;
the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger,
envy and resentment must be understood
and redirected or they will suffocate
the life out of you and poison the universe
that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong
and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort
in many of the simple things we take for granted;
things that millions of people upon the earth
can only dream about;
a full refrigerator,
clean running water,
a soft warm bed,
a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself,
by yourself and you make yourself a promise
to never betray yourself
and to never ever settle for less
than your heart's desire.

You hang a wind chime outside your window
so you can listen to the wind,
and you make it a point to keep smiling,
to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart
and with God by your side,
you take a stand,
you take a deep breath
and you begin to design the life you want
to live as best as you can.

A life worth living for others and yourself.
On Being a Liar
You were not born to be a liar. Yet, you have grown to be a big liar. God gave you a mouth to speak of the truth. That same mouth of yours never served its purpose.

To have a dishonest tongue is to be a liar. Your lies come from your mouth. You are a liar.

Being a liar, you are the main source of many untruthful stories called made-up stories which may cause pains and sufferings. These stories also cause terrible arguments, confrontations and trouble. That is what a liar is all about. You lie here and there with lies from everywhere. No wonder, you are being hated for being such a liar. You’d say, you hate yourself, too, more than we ever know.

Being a liar, it is easy for you to tell lies, but it is not easy to face every consequence that a certain lie can lead. More lies make a perfect liar. We believe you, that is what you do. You were not tagged a “great liar” for nothing.

Being a liar, you were a mask to cover all your lies. You would tell you are doing all right, and that you are going to be fine. With your mask, for a time, you are all right. But the truth is that it is just for a story, for a show, for a lie! You lie for comfort, for acting, for hiding. Somehow, with untrue words, you find yourself free from the reality which becomes forgotten but only for a while. Because no lies shall prevail forever.

Convincingly, you act as if nothing bothers you. You behave as if you are more than happy and satisfied with the way things are in your life. You talk as if that what you are telling is the truth, that you almost believe them.

Being a liar, nobody knows your feeling of sadness, of emptiness and most of all, of the guilt inside. Yes, outside, no one really knows. But inside, you do. Above all, God does.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
hindi kita kilala
pero nakilala kita
hindi kita nakita
pero nakikita kita
hindi kita narinig
pero naririnig kita
hindi kita nakausap
pero nakakausap kita
hindi kita nahanap
pero nahahanap kita
hindi kita nakasama
pero nakakasama kita
hindi kita
pero kita
para sa isang taong ayaw magpakilala
Monday, February 21, 2005
As opposed to everyday, inauthentic shame, which focuses on how I look in the eyes of others, authentic shame focuses on an aspect of how I truly am, in my own deepest experience of myself. Authentic shame is the concrete disclosure to me of that aspect of myself that takes perverse delight in what is harmful, either to myself or others, solely because it is harmful. In the concrete, to become aware of myself as being that way. Accordingly, authentic shame can also be defined as such contrition; to be ashamed of myself authentically is to be moved to contrition for being the way I am, insofar as I am someone who takes pleasure in the harmful as such.

….THE JOY OF UNFULIFILLED DESIRE FULL OF PROMISE, THE JOY OF NEWFOUND POSSIBILITY…to have an expectation is, in effect, to set up conditions to which I demand that the future conform. Inevitably, however, expectations turn out to set me up for a fall. Either I will find my expectations frustrated by a recalcitrant future that refuses to conform to my wishes. Or I will find my expectations fulfilled, only to be left with a hole where my desire used to be. When my expectations are fulfilled, my desires are merely “satisfied.” They are “sated”. And I am left feeling like someone who has overindulged on a Belgian Box of Chocolate. Nothing is more saddening than such mere sating of desire and the inevitable sense of disillusionment that comes from having all our expectations met.

WE ARE NOT CALLED GOOD OR BAD ON THE BASIS OF OUR EMOTIONS…our emotions are often our most direct response to our concrete situation. But often they are also our response to how we think others are emotionally responding to that same situation: my emotions become a response to what I perceive to be your emotions. Since the emotions in the two cases “feel” the same, it is easy to confuse them. Only an honest self-evaluation in each case can tell the difference. You need to ask yourself: AM I FEELING THE WAY I DO BECAUSE OF HOW I PERCEIVE THIS SITUATION MYSELF, DIRECTLY? Or am I feeling this way because of how I think you are feeling about this situation? DO I REALLY LOVE YOU, OR ONLY YOU’RE LOVING ME ( or at least what I take to be you’re loving me)?
I see you today
I see you not tomorrow
I am not missing you today
But I will be missing you tomorrow

Today is tomorrow
And tomorrow is today
Why can’t I make everyday like today
and tomorrow, so I can see you tomorrow
Just like today

If today is tomorrow then
I will be missing you
So make tomorrow just like today
So I won’t be missing you anymore

I was so glad to see you, to talk to you, to hear from you, to hold you and most specially to feel you back close here in my heart again. Ironically I went home with a slightly heavy heart with me. Do not get me wrong that I am disappointed over seeing you, really its not. Its just that there are still questions and thoughts left unanswered, left hanging in my mind, left to bewilder me, it plays around my mind and its hard to keep up with it.

It has been a lifetime of waiting and I failed. I am sorry I failed but still I waited for you. Its that silence you have, silence and that smile of yours which tortures my heart everytime I asked you the same question over and over again. It just kills me inside, still I manage to hold up to myself; to be strong, to show you that I am not hurt but I am hurt. I do not want to think that you are naïve because I know you are not. All I just wanted was a plain and simple answer coming from your heart. I wanted to know how you feel. If you feel the same way as I feel for you. I just want to hear it from you. I just want to know how you truly feel, if how strong is that feeling you feel for me, if there is, which I feel so strong for you. I just want to see you within, the inner life in you that I see from a far. I want to know if you need me or want me around. Tell me what is inside, do not let me guess anymore,
MUSING d i d a c h e

I hate the word
It speaks of finality
It foretells of an end to a relationship…any relationship.
But if I will live like this, it would mean ---
Being lonely every time I hear the word.
Not seeing tomorrow because it is ending now.
Desolate because tomorrow will never come.
Or dread that a new relationship might never come my way again.
Still, I hear a heart throbbing.
I look at a newborn infant and know that each day, he will grow.
I see the earth and a seed is sprouting its shoots.
And each waking day gives forth a breath
A promise—
“And I will come back to you.”
I believe…I can smile again.

Inspired from John 14:28 – “I am going away and I will come back to you.”
When I am not with you, I’m with myself but still its with you.
When I am with myself, I’m thinking of you my love
I am thinking of you being with your family, your work and yourself

When you are not with me, I am not with you but still we are together
When I am not with you, I am with myself
I am doing my daily routine of discovering people and places from sunrise to sunset

When I am not with you and you are not with me
When you are with yourself and I am with myself
I spend my time in my room reading and writing down things about life

When you are with yourself and I am with myself
When you’re there and I am somewhere
I am with my loving family and my good circle of friends

When we are not together, we are not apart
I am still with you and you are still with me
You and I in each other’s mind and heart.

I love you!
Isa akong tao.
Ako yung babae pero lalaki.
Ako yung taong tomboy pero bakla.
Ako yung taong duwag pero tumatapang.
Ako yung taong maingay pero tumatahimik.
Ako yung taong mataray pero naglalambing.
Ako yung taong sumasagot pero nakikinig.
Ako yung taong kuripot pero nagbibigay.
Ako yung taong maarte pero simple.
Ako yung taong sophisticated pero cowgirl.
Ako yung taong mahigpit pero nakakaunawa.
Ako yung taong singer pero sintonado.
Ako yung taong malusog pero sakitin.
Ako yung taong malalim pero mababaw.
Ako yung taong umiiyak pero nakangiti.
Ako yung taong tamad pero naglalaba, naglilinis at nagluluto.
Ako yung taong matino pero maloko.
Ako yung taong matibay pero mahina.
Ako yung taong tanga pero may nalalaman.
Ako yung taong conservative pero liberated.
Ako yung taong antukin pero laging gising.
Ako yung taong tama pero mali.
Ako yung taong naniniwala pero nagdadalawang isip.
Ako yung taong nagmamahal pero nabibigo.
Ako yung taong absent pero present.
Ako yung taong matanda pero isip bata.
Marami pang iba.

Ako si Dian, taong bato at taong mamon,
na may dalawang mukha ng kabalintunaan.

Ako ito at ito ako.
Tao ako.
Who can make me jealous,
who can make me insecure,
who can make me compare,
who can frustrate me,
who can make me doubt.
who can make me love generalization,
who can make me hopeless,
who can make me selfish,
who can make me objective,
who can make me logical and
who can make me moderate,
who can make me an obedient daughter and
who can make me a comic friend.
Who can make me a mediocre,
who can make me have regrets,
who can make me unprepared,
who can influence me,
who can make me private,
who can make me undecided,
who can make me have take twos,
who can make me deny things,
who can make me easy,
who can make me surrender,
who can make me fall out of love,
who can make me play safe,
who can marry me and not just take me.

Who can make me a boy,
who can make me sleep early,
who can make me conscious,
who can make me vain,
who can make me on a diet,
who can make me have a vice,
who can make me go naked on streets,
who can make me enjoy playing with dolls,
who can make me want to have a long hair,
who can make me have a petty fight with women,
who can make me refused to accept love letters or flowers,
who can make me into dancing,
who can make me ask for making love or sex and not just offer it (wuhu).
Never jealous, I do not have to take everything.
Never insecure, I do not have to feel bad about what I do not have.
Never comparative, I do not compare who I am to who other people are.
Never frustrated, I always believe that I got a lot of fight in me.
Never doubting, I am generous in giving trust.
Never general, I love details thus particular specs of things.
Never hopeless, I have a abundant source of hope in my being.
Never selfish, there are no limits in sharing.
Never objective, always subjective.
Never logical, always illogical.
Never moderate, I go for the extremes.
Never an obedient daughter, I am known as a prodigal daughter.
Never a comic friend, regarded as a very in depth and serious character.
Never a mediocre, I am the idealist and perfectionist type.
Never had regrets, head-on is my game plan.
Never unprepared, I am safe and always ready.
Never influenced, I make a stand. Never private, my life is an open book.
Never undecided, a decisive lady I am. Never on take twos, I am for take one.
Never in denial, I got the courage to admit things the way they are.
Never easy, things are complicated with me.
Never surrendered, I keep trying.
Never fallen out of love, not that I am in love but its because love resides in my heart.
Never played safe, I am a risk taker.
Never married, only had been taken.
Never a boy, I am a woman. Never slept early, I am a nocturnal lassie.
Never conscious, I do not go for cosmetics or fashion.
Never vain, I have no sense for any fad on pampering oneself.
Never on a diet, I am a great lover of food and soda.
Never had a vice, except for Coca-Cola and Chocolates.
Never gone naked on streets, I often wear jeans, rubber shoes and shirts.
Never enjoyed playing with dolls, I love “jolen” and “baril-barilan” even more.
Never wanted to have a long hair, I miss my short hair.
Never had a petty fight with women, I preferred punching boys from our block.
Never refused a sent love letter or bouquet of flowers,
two things I love the most about my being a lady.
Never into dancing, just singing.
Never asked for making love or sex,
I always get a lot of offers though(wuhu).
Peace of Mind
Your ultimate wish is Peace of Mind.

Everybody needs a peace of mind.
But for one to achieve that,
he or she must surpass every trial
with the sense of humble acceptance
that no matter how capable one can be
in solving or settling the daily issues of life,
There is still someone greater who can
Completely resolve everything,
Only GOD can.

Let your humble heart move you
To achieve your ultimate wish,
Peace of mind!
A Letter of Love

SHE was doubting if she will ever receive
a letter of love again…

Unexpectedly, she did receive one coming from HIM.
After a long time of not having any letter at hand,
she finally read another letter of love.

It was a 5 page letter where you can find
so much love as she goes through it.
While reading it, her heart felt his love all the more.
That every word written was sincerely uttered.

One great gift that SHE will always cherish
And will remind her of HIS love for her
Is that one letter of love written straight from the heart.
5 Peso Coins
How far can your 5 peso collections go?

It can go as far as watching Matrix with someone special
or having dinner in a well known Pares eatery.
There is something really impressive about HIM
that SHE had noticed during one of their dates.
It was the openness she saw from him.

The means of watching Matrix and
the payment used for the Pares meals
was from HIS 5 peso savings.
For some women, it could have been a very disgusting move from a guy.
Yet for HER, it was more than a bliss.
It was a reality which embarked to appreciate HIM better
because for her it was an unmasked effort that
only a true man can do.

How far did HIS 5 peso collections go?

It was far as capturing HER heart and
getting himself a higher level of respect from her.
5 Peso Key Holder
Who says that 5 peso is only for buying?

They are many various designs for key holders
in the market, however, from those available designs,
SHE only has one in mind that really made an impression to her.
A key holder that has a different kind of appeal.

It was a personalized 5 peso key holder
which belongs to HIM.
It may not be as expensive or as elegant
like any other key holders
yet this one is different because it says a lot.


Well, aside from being economically brilliant,
this key holder also shows the unusual appeal,
impression, and beauty it projects through the price it has
though not materially but rather based on what it symbolizes
which is the powerful depths of simplicity.

Another story of simplicity for HER
gotten from a man named HIM.
One Pair Shoes
One Pair Shoes

Shoes never mattered to HER
yet it did when she met HIM.

One early afternoon, this two people were together
for a walk inside a mall in the south.
As they walk through the entrance of the establishment,
HE had to say something to her.
In a humble and soft voice he told HER that
the shoes he was wearing was the only pair he has.

It was the first time when SHE
heard a man say that to her.
She was caught in a surprise because
what HE had told was never in her anticipation.
Although, right after she heard him say that,
she admired him not because he has one pair of shoes
but because SHE was able to have
a reflection of simplicity through that revelation.

For her, that one afternoon will always be special
because she has learned to value simplicity
all the more through HIS example.
One simple man who uplifted HER appreciation to
the beauty of simple possessions.
You and I are all born authors;
God is the publisher of our books.
We are His authors.
We owe it to Him.
Let us not fail Him.
Let us be the best authors we could ever be.
He allowed us to live for the main purpose of creating a book of our own.
Not just a book, but a best seller book.
It is the book of life!
I am an author, the author of my life.

What I do is what I write in my book called “life”.
As an author I have been blessed to acquire as many chapters and pages as I live everyday. Every chapter has it own story to tell about my experiences and me.
In every page, you can find the many details of who I am and what I do.
It is not easy to be an author.
To be an author I must have the sheer will to give my finest feat of a meaningful existence. Should you only not take hold of happiness,
victory but also the opposite of these,
sorrow and defeat…after all life has two faces.
It is the good and the bad.
A book should be full of life or worthy of notes,

so to achieve a big number of readers in the market.
In my personal life I have to be somebody interesting
not for them to buy me but for the others to see that my life can move them in any way.
In the first place I am not for sale.
My life is an open book,
I have learned from my experiences, and you can learn from it as well.
It may not be an exact example to you
yet somehow it is there to give you a picture of what awaits you in the real world.
Or it could be a source of insights that can guide you or
enlighten you some more on how to face the twist and turns of life's seasons.
The author in me writes about her life.

As we go through the chapters and pages of my book,
you will begin to comprehend the way I am.
They will definitely notice the numerous events in my life.
One is the sunny and rainy days I have surpassed.
I have experienced having and losing everything at hand.
I have gone through a serious falls and triumphs.
We make the right and the wrong decisions for ourselves.
As we all do, we undertake the seasons of life inevitably.
An author varies in sharing the different ideas in her book.
She gives her whole heart and soul to it.
Anything you find in her manuscript will entail your own mind to shape things for yourself. Eventually, you will find yourself being the author of your own book.
The question is, “What kind of book, you wish to write for yourself.”
Bottom line depends on of what you make out of your lifetime.
The book is your life, and your life will be your book.
And the author in you shall be the only one to write that book of life!

Nobody else but you!
A Spell Of Rain

As I set myself to the morning sun for another year of birth in my life, I shall close my 23rd year with words of gratitude for all those who have walked with me in my journey to a great path of learning.

I thank you my dear friends and family for allowing yourselves to be God's instruments in a masterpiece that He has made for me with the rest of the world as His creation. Indeed, I am so much blessed to have found each of you as I am threading this mystic experience called life.

Each of you has made a touch of your amity in every season of life that I have gone through for the passing year or must I say for the passing years. Your presence has contributed to my fortitude of facing every endeavor that comes my way. The touch that you shared with me has pushed me to continually go on, unfolding the other treasures that this lifetime can hand in for who I am.

I am in high spirits to admit that everyone in my circle of friends and family is the wind beneath my wings. If not for that wind, I would not have soared that far in the hub of an endowed flight. Your wind will always bring me the spell of rain filled with your burning love.

I am who I am because of all of you. Everything that I encompassed in my 23 years of breathing in this terrain was made possible through all of your presence in me. The being that I seize today is all because the friends or the family I have found in you have allowed it to happen with your good providence for me as part of your lives.

Thank you so much for providing me a space where I can grow and be a better one. I will hold them close to my heart as I hold you closer each day in my every step for the yet to come. I thank you for your touch of friendship and love in my life.

May you all be a part of another year in my birth to life as I turn 24 on this 3rd day of February, 2005, I shall look forward to the pinto of our journey together may it be a sunny or a rainy day to face.

God Bless His instruments, God Be with you as He is with me!

I love you and Peace!

The author would like to impart this missive to all of you her friends and family as an emblem of her thankful heart for making her life the best ever that she has always prayed for.

Mahal kita hindi dahil maiibigay mo sa akin ang mga bituin sa langit
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil sabay nating aabutin ang bituin na yon.
Mahal kita hindi dahil ikaw ang aking pinapangarap
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil higit ka pa sa pinagarap ko.

Mahal kita hindi dahil matalino ang isang katulad mo
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil higit pa sa talino ang meron ka at yun ay ang isang busilak na puso.
Mahal kita hindi dahil magkasundo tayo sa maraming bagay
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil kayang mong unawain ang kaibihan natin sa isa’t isa

Mahal kita hindi dahil mahal mo rin ako
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil yun ang gusto ko
Mahal kita hindi dahil mabait ka
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil hangad mo ang mas maging mabait at mabuting tao.

Mahal kita hindi dahil para sa akin ka lang
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil alay mo ang iyong buhay para sa pamilya mo at sa ibang tao.
Mahal kita hindi dahil napapaligaya mo ako
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil ikaw ang bubuo sa pagkatao ko.

Mahal kita hindi dahil dumating ka sa buhay ko
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil biyaya ka ng Maykapal
Mahal kita hindi dahil sa nakaraan o hinarahap mo
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil sa kung sino at ano ka ngayon.

Mahal kita hindi dahil dalubhasa ka
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil mapagbigay ka sa iyong kakayahan
Mahal kita hindi dahil manunulat o gitarista ka
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil mahalaga sa iyo ang mga sining na ito.

Mahal kita hindi dahil kasintahan kita
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil anak ka ng mga magulang mo,
kapatid ka ng mga kapatid, kaibigan ka ng mga kaibigan mo at doktor ka ng mga pasyente mo.
Mahal kita hindi dahil ibinigay ko na ang sarili ko sa iyo
Mahal at mamahalin kita dahil ikaw ang nagbigay ng sarili mo sa akin

Mahal kita at mamahalin pa!
Ikaw rin ba?

Life has its own course to play as we live by it. Life cannot be in our total control.

Life cannot be in our hands nor can it be ours to hold.
All we can do is to let things happen rather to make them happen in a forceful manner.
Just like when we open our doors to different people of different individuality here on earth.
We should simply let the flow bring us where we are bound to go.

henever there is a new person in our life,
we feel the strong course of it running through our veins.
The curiosity, challenge, and mystery surfaced.
Basically it is because he or she is new to us.
More so if the distinctiveness of the person is much recognizable.

As we go through this course, it shows that whether
we allow a person or not to come into our vivacity, we still cannot say they won’t be coming. People will always come and go anytime life wishes us to come across another person.
This is an occurrence, which is unstoppable from taking place.
When it is already there, be wise to expect that it came for a reason or purpose.
There are so many probable sets of reason or purpose

why it came our way but only time can reveal them to us.
It is a discovery unknown to people involved.

Other than this fact of life, let us convey to ourselves that
nothing is for certain straightaway between people.
It is a risk we take whenever we face this interlude in our lives.
Anything can happen since anything goes as we keep our heads above water.
We may lose each other, and may disappear from each other.
If not, we may be meant to be together.
It may seem to be or it may not seem to be for us.
Only in the Almighty's presence we shall know what is bound to take place.

What is more important is let yourself be counted from

those number of people in a person’s life who have made a difference in his or her existence.
It is a difference that will give a feeling that
we should not only look at any stranger just as a passersby.

Thus let the rest of the unfolding anonymity be part of history.
For all we know this person is the one meant to be our one dear friend or
more that person can be the one for you.

Let us all spare a space for a new comer in our life because
it is one of the most splendid thing we could give back to the one
who sent them here to be with us in this lifetime.
Monday, February 07, 2005
What Happens in Boracay, Stays in Boracay
Adam, not a boyfriend, but really special to me.

The very first white monkey to conquer my prejudices

toward the foreigners staying in our country.

In a short time with him during our coverage for the magazine,

he made me realized that they too deserve respect

because they are decent people.

It wasn't a long journey but with the short span of travel

from one island to another, he was so open to share his life with me,

counting in, his thoughts and emotions about his experiences.

Thank you Adam for changing my views,

through you,

I will be nicer with the white and black monkeys out there.


i did not want to be special
i did not want to be yours
i did not want to be with you

tried stopping the emotions to get in the way
hoping things would just be casual and friendly
dealing with you or me as if just as acquaintances

you came
you went persistent
you got me

boracay was that paradise where this started
lost in preamble, lost sanity for insanity
how do i keep going, without you?

his name is Adam.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
It does not matter
I am 24. Call me Dian, Jean or Demi, call me anything you want.

It does not matter.

My family is a circle of six, my parents, there’s the four of us, making me the only daughter who came third among my 3 siblings. The most difficult thing to do is to let go of my brothers, I cannot live without them. It would really break my heart if I see them get married, I guess, I will never be ready for that. However, if it’s time, I will give way. Though I am that selfish a sister, still I do want to see them happy with their destined ones. Well, even if I have to begin life accepting the fact that they no longer belong to our family but to their own.

As a prodigal daughter, been in and out of our home not because I am literally what I mentioned I am but only because I often leave our home to wonder around. There would be days not a shadow of me is seen, there would be weeks not a single sound is heard from me, it never lasted for a year or two though. I was just out, nowhere, somewhere. Out.

There is always a gesture of admiration for my father and mother, yes; I am so much been in awe of their morning and evening talks. More than talks actually, make that conversations. I grew up awakened by their voices, when morning comes; they both converse and laugh together. As I go to sleep, same picture would I witness, after a long day work, there would be my father and mother, lying on their bed, conversing with each other. That is a part of love’s language between them. A routine that seems like never a routine to them, they never ceased sharing their minds and hearts to one another. I grew up with that and so they too grew old with that. That is right; they have been growing old together with a gracious way of imparting their respective individualisms with joy and gladness, a conversation with no offense, a way of love.

It is just so vague, is it or maybe imagination-reflection beckons?

Got no idea with what you have in mind now, reading this. Writing this thing was not at all writing for you, it was writing for me. Defying the call or the urge to use the art and language of words for a long time now, finally, a breakthrough is happening, this. Slowly, I set my mind then my hands, slowly; I started my journey and my relationship with the keyboard, now more thoughts are coming, now the faster I have to type, faster, to have more coming, more.

But nothing like this, anymore, no more.

my life is a poetry of similes and metaphors.
my life is a story of paragraphs and chapters.
my life is a song of stanzas, refrains and adlibs.
my life is a script of scenes and sequences.
my life is a photography of black and white and colors.
my life is a gallery of paintings and sketches.
my life is a thesis of proposals and conclusions.
my life is a parlor of combs and scissors.
my life is a library of titles and subtitles.
my life is a broadsheet of news and entertainment.
my life is a tv of morning, primetime and late night shows.
my life is a restaurant of ingredients and recipes.
my life is a trip of streets and roads.
my life is a program of events and suprises.
my life is a classroom of students and teachers.
my life is a cinema of film and movies.
my life is a hospital of doctors, nurses and patients.
my life is a nursery of little boys and girls.
my life is a carnival of roller coaster rides.
my life is a house of friendship and relationships.
my life is a heart of love and desire.
my life is a mind of wisdom and learning.


my life is a bible of faith and prayers.

Friday, February 04, 2005

ang diwata na wala sa kagubatan kundi nabubuhay sa inyong mga
puso't isipan, si diwata, wala ng iba pa. siya nga.
Posted by Hello